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I have this quirky habit of defining words in my head. I’m not sure when I started doing this. It is one of those unconscious tendencies. If I hear someone say an interesting word, it doesn't even have to be a difficult word; I’ll make up a definition.
Perfection: noun. Flawless clarity. Complete. Needing no improvement.
Insane: adjective. Not sane. The inability to reason or logic.
Sycophancy: noun. The act of flattering for self gain.
Rebellion: noun. Intentional defiance of authority.
Well, you
get the picture. There has to be someone out there who has this ridiculous
habit as well! Maybe I have just taken my OCD to a new level. I took a
personality test a few years ago. This particular one separated the
personalities into four groups: Perfectionist, Fun, Control, and Laid-back. The
mediator stressed over and over how if you score more than a hundred points in
one group then you are considered a strong personality.
I took the
test trying to be as honest as possible. When I got it back I nearly croaked. I
scored 201 in perfection! 201! Strong
doesn’t even come close. Obsess much? I’d like to try and convince you that
this is a good quality, but who am I trying to fool? This is a serious flaw
that continually prevents me from trusting the Lord.
It is like
I am crawling forward on a frozen lake inch by inch trying to test if it will
hold me. All the while not noticing a Hummer joy-riding on the same lake!
I was
reading in Mark chapter 6 where Jesus fed the five thousand with five loaves
and two fish. This was no small miracle! I don’t know how the disciples
rationalized this event as anything but an act of God, but it seems that they
did. Because, a couple of days later (Mark 8) the disciples are wringing their
hands fretting that they had forgotten to bring bread with them on their
journey.
They had
one loaf for twelve people. Can’t you just picture Peter scratching his head
saying, “Duhh…what are we going to do? We have thirteen people here and only
one loaf. Now we’re in the middle of the lake and we don’t have anything to
eat!” How long-suffering Jesus is. He actually had to remind them of the
miracle!
What was curious to me was how Jesus went about performing the miracle of the five thousand. He first
asked them for what they had. Then, he told them to sit down in groups. He
blessed the bread and gave thanks for the miracle. The people sat down....because
you sit down when you eat. The bible says that only those that were sitting
were fed.
Interesting,
isn’t it? Those that were waiting in expectancy after they had given all they
possessed to the Lord were satisfied. The people gave what they had in
trust and then sat down waiting in faith. We first have to give it over.
Imagine what faith it took for that boy to hand over his two little fish. We may not have a ton of faith, but if we
ask the Lord to bless it, it will multiply.
Faith: noun. Confidence or trust in a person or thing.
Trust: noun. Confident expectation of something, hope.
I have found
that a lack of faith/trust in the Lord can lead to rebellion, and rebellion can remove us from God’s covering.
I don’t
know why I feel like I should share this, and I can’t believe I’m going to. Our
first inclination when we are ashamed about something is to hide it. It is the
easy thing to do…and maybe even the politically correct thing to do. I
choose to boast in my weakness and the fact that love covers sin and Christ is love.
A few years before I married
Drew I went through a season in my life where I made one bad choice after
another. I was out of control and had no idea how to stop it.
I found
myself in a relationship with a Muslim. Believe me when I say I didn’t go from
being a committed Christian who loves God to being in a serious relationship
with a man who openly confessed his Islamic roots overnight. However, it was one rebellious decision that led me down
a spiral of sin.
Continued on Monday January 30th
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